I want Hell to be Ironic.

I want to suddenly appear in a large white room. Freezing cold.

With a large calligraphy sign on one side of the room to read:

“Please Take a Coat to Warm Yourself, My Friend”.

And I pick an amazing plush fur coat from a seemingly never-ending wall of coats.

And also see an assortment of gloves, hats, scarves, and warm boots.

I put them all on and feel entirely warm and snuggly. As almost for the very first time.

Then I notice a door that states:

“Entrance to the Winter Garden”.

Feeling ready for a winter stroll, I walk to the door, and with my gloved hand, reach for the knob.

I turn it happily.

And Boom!

Fires from Hell.